The Hard Caver
To the tune of The Wild Rover
I've been a hard caver for many a year
And I've spent all my money on caving and beer
But now I'm hungover with bruises galore
So I'll play the hard caver no never, no more
And it's no, nay, never (!-!-!-!)
No, nay, never no more
Will I play the hard caver; No never, no more.
My first day in Cambridge, a fresher so neat
Some ragged old cavers I happened to meet
I asked to go caving, they answered me, "Nay -
Such freshers as you we can find any day!"
And it's no, nay, never...
I brought out my car keys so new and so bright
The president's eyes opened wide at the sight
"With pleasure we'll greet you as one of the club-
So come on and join at the old Elm Tree Pub"
And it's no, nay, never...
Now I've been to Yorkshire, to Mendip and Wales;
I've been down the pots and I've sampled the Ales
And now I'm returning with stories to tell
Of waters that rose and of boulders that fell
And it's no, nay, never...
There's no caves in Mendip, or so goes the tale
So prowess in caving is measured in ale
Now, Swildon's is deep and quite wet I'll admit
And GB is giant but shatter is shit
A rusty old head torch and half of a boot
My clothes are all ragged, my knees are still sore
So I'll play the hard caver, no never, no more.
And it's no, nay, never...
I've burnt all my guidebooks and sold all my krabs
I'll attend all my lectures and write up my labs
but come the exam time, fed up with the lot
It's off to the Dales and down Penyghent Pot
And it's no, nay, never...
Caving Matilda
To the tune of Waltzing Matilda
One a jolly caver camped out by a swallet hole,
Under the shade of an old rowan tree,
And he sang as he tied his ladder to a stalagmite,
"Who'll come a caving Matilda with me?"
Caving Matilda
Caving Matilda
Who'll come a caving Matilda with me?
And he sang as he tied his ladder to a stalagmite
Who'll come a'caving Matilda with me?
Deep beneath the surface,
Far inside a bedding plane,
Where oh where can the way on be?
And he sang as he listened to the murmur of the waterfall
"Who'll come a'caving Matilda with me?"
Caving Matilda, Caving Matilda...
Up popped a cloudburst and flooded down the swallet hole,
Down into that bedding plane, a turf brown sea.
And he sang as the water flowed into the bedding plane
"Who'll come a'caving Matilda with me?"
Up drove Cave Rescue, seated in an ambulance,
Out jumped the wardens, one, two and three.
And they sang as they sat and waited for the tea to brew,
"Who'll come a'caving Matilda with me?"
Deep beneath the surface, far inside a bedding plane,
There lies a caver, never to be seen.
And you might hear him singing
If you wander by that swallet hole.
Don't come a'caving Matilda with me!
Caving Matilda, Caving Matilda
Don't come a'caving Matilda with me!
And you might hear him singing
If you wander by that swallet hole.
Don't come a'caving Matilda with me!
Captain Seddon
To the tune of Whiskey in the Jar
As I was roaming over the far-famed Mendip Mountains
I met with Captain Seddon and his tackle he was counting
I first produced my simple and I then produced my spatha
Saying "Stand and deliver" for he were a bold deceiver
Mush-a ring dumb-a do dumb-a da
Whack fall the valley-o, whack fall the valley-o
My helmets in the car / That Seddon won't get far
I counted out his krabs and now caves I could rig many
I put them in my pocket and I took them to the Elm Tree
Wookey sighed and he swore that he never would deceive me
But the devil take old cavers for they never can be easy
//
I went up to the dales all for to take to caving
I dreamt of Titan, GG and of ropes not misbehaving
But Wookey drew my simple and he sanded off the edges
Then sent for Captain Seddon to be ready in the hedges
//
'Twas early in the morning before the sun did redden
Up comes a band of freshers and likewise Captain Seddon
I first produced my simple for he'd stole away my spatha
But I couldn't rise to meet him, f'r I was too much a faffer
//
Now there's some take delight in the passages a-strollin
And others take delight in big pitches and potholing
But I take delight in the glitter of the water
And lovely splashing streamways that I float down like an otter
//
If anyone can aid me tis the cavers of south wales
If I can find their leaders in Mendip or the Dales
And if they'll go with me, we'll go roving in to Daren
And I'm sure they'll treat me better than my own a-traitrous brethren
//